Friday, June 1, 2012

I don't wear heels.

I literally do not own a single pair of high heels. Isn't that against the Women's Handbook or something? Or are there other women out there like me? Geez, is the Fashion Police crew going to come banging at my door when they hear that I prefer tennis shoes and flip-flops? Oh, dear God, I hope not. I couldn't imagine seeing myself on TV, hair in a funky little bun, wearing an oversize t-shirt, with holes in my jeans.

I mean, I just don't wear heels.

It's not because I'd stand at 6 feet, 2 inches if I were to slip on a pair of 6-inch stilettos. And no, it's not because they make my feet ache.

It's because I look plain awkward. I don't know how to walk in them, and when I try, I damn near bust my ass every time. I look ridiculous! I do this weird, slanky thing, where my shoulders drop and my head leads my body. I feel off balance, unattractive, and sometimes I even get vertigo---even in the 3-inch heels.

"Am I doing it right?"
I've never been a sassy, girly-girl. I'm not a diva. I'd rather wear pajama pants than jeans (and no, not those pajama jeans). I would much sooner pick up a $5 t-shirt than to splurge on a $200 ruffled blouse that I don't look good in anyway. Sure, it will last me a long time! Only because I won't wear it!

Don't get me wrong. I like to get "dolled up" every now and then. Maybe I'll even curl my hair. But the high heels? I just can't do it.

Maybe one day I'll be able to strut my stuff in 'em. Just maybe. But I doubt it.

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