Friday, December 19, 2014

No Elmo for Christmas: Creepy Elmo Story

Christmas is only six days away which means that parents everywhere are making room for a brand new Elmo in their home. But not this mama.

He has round, humongous eyes that sit atop his furry, red head. He eyeballs you whenever you walk by. His furry hands reach for you, desiring your embrace. A permanent smile is stamped upon his creepy face.

His name is Elmo, and while my daughter adores him, I find him to be rather creepy.

Elmo, or "Eh-Bow" as my daughter refers to him, is a well-known character throughout the world. While many adults rush to welcome every new Elmo doll into their homes, I'm a bit more hesitant.

It's not his weird voice or the way he refers to himself in third person. No, it's not the way he speaks to a fish as if it's his best friend, even though it never responds. No, it's none of that.

It's his laughter.

As a matter of fact, what I find disturbing about Elmo is what many other people find to be "cute."

Elmo is always laughing, even when he pees his pants.

He laughs when he falls over. He laughs when his jokes aren't funny.

Elmo never stops laughing.

What's even worse than that, is that if you listen closely, you can hear a tinge of anger in his laugh--as though he knows what he's laughing at isn't truly funny, but only helps him get through the moment. What happens when laughter doesn't work anymore as Elmo's coping mechanism? What happens when Elmo cracks?

"One, two, Elmo's coming for you..."
Image Credit: SodaHead

The other night, while cleaning out my daughters toy bin in preparation for Christmas, I heard muffled giggling from across the room. I ignored it at first, thinking it was my imagination, but as I went on about my business, I heard it again. As I moved closer toward the source, it stopped. I listened for a moment or two.

This time, I was certain it was coming from under my daughter's bed.

I reached under the bed and gasped when I felt my hand graze something furry. I then peered under the bed and saw it. Two humongous eyes staring back at me. I reached to pull Elmo out from under the bed and as soon as I did, his mouth began moving as if he were trying to bite me, although with no sound. As soon as I removed him from under the bed, heart pounding, he began laughing again. "Ahahaha! Ahahaha!"

Is it just me or does it look like Elmo is choking this little boy?
Now, I don't mind Elmo most of the time, but when Elmo is possessed, that's another story entirely. Sing a little, dance a little, and mind your own business, but once you start laughing at me and trying to bite me, that's bullying plain and simple. I think things have gone too far.

No more Elmo in this house.

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